How to Prove You're a Wanker on Facebook by Frazer Ruddick - January 11th, 2010 People looking like wankers on social networking websites is nothing new. However, with Facebook now being so tremendously popular that even your grandmother has somehow been suckered into joining, publicly looking like a wanker could now be considered an epidemic. I find it somewhat satisfying having Facebook as a window into peoples lives, and am even more satisfied when it proves a useful tool for realising the friends you were already suspicious of, really are wankers. Here's a few clues you should keep an eye out for if you're not sure how you're looking on facebook.. 1. Profile photo of you 'partying' I know it's common for people to want to fool their friends into thinking they actually have a life. But the fact that you even bothered to upload any photo, let alone one of you being so actively social, instantly proves your lack of a life. Not to mention, nobody fucking cares about seeing you with a beer in hand at some party they weren't even invited to. Facebook's block feature comes in handy if you ever come across this. 2. Your parents on your friends list I can't imagine any situation where I would ever want my parents to know anything about my life. My mother would watch over my relationship status like a pedophile in a playground. Not to mention my status updates consist of three general topics: Fuck work, Fuck Life, McDonalds. I could just imagine my mother calling me up in the middle of the night advising me that I should be happy having a loving family and earning minimum wage, while she reads out the nutritional information of a McChicken. 3. Frequent status updates of song lyrics If you feel you need to prove how uninteresting you are by posting song lyrics that we've all heard before, then go right ahead. But I'm reluctant to believe that "he's leaving on that midnight train to georgia" is any true indication of anything happening in your life. But really, if we gave a crap about the lyrics to songs, we'd just listen to them. Nobody needs to be reminded every time they log on to facebook. 4. Drunken status updates Much like having a profile photo of yourself 'partying', this clearly shows somebody who has a desire to prove that they have some sort of life. But by posting drunken statuses, they neglect to remember certain facts. Firstly, if you're drunk and you are at home updating your facebook status, then you're clearly not having the time of your life, and you come off more like an alcoholic father who hides in the bedroom with a bottle of scotch while the rest of the family is having a dinner party. But most importantly.. the most important thing to remember when it comes to alcohol consumption.. Unless everybody else is drunk, your drunk antics are fucking annoying!! Have you ever attended a party sober? If you have, then you'll know how annoying and unfunny drunk people really are. The only way to enjoy your peers being drunk is to be drunk yourself. And by updating your status with your nonsensical drunken typing, not only does nobody care, YOU LOOK LIKE A WANKER!