If anybody were to ask me why I didn't go trick-or-treating this year, my answer would ignore the fact that I am in my twenties and that if I had any friends who would ask such a ludicrous question they would be thrown from a moving vehicle. Instead I would answer that I simply did not have a scary Halloween mask. If I did have one however, I would certainly have tried my best to gain as much candy as possible by doing the least amount of walking possible, which would ultimately consist of driving to the supermarket and purchasing a bag of skittles. It would be my best option for guaranteeing myself some candy, much unlike the one time in my life when I did go trick-or-treating at the age of 12. The local residents were so baffled by the concept of it that they were offering my friend and I the option them preparing us a sandwich each. Most concerning was the house who gave us a half eaten apple pie, which quickly went from funny to unsettling when my friend took it home and ate it. A candyless Halloween doesn't mean the end of everything, it's merely a sneak peek into the most festive time of the year- 7 days after Halloween, also known as 'nobody-gives-a-shit-about-Halloween-anymore-so-lets-sell-our-excess-Halloween-stock-as-cheap-as-possible-so-the-special-needs-employee-will-stop-putting-on-the-costumes-and-running-around-expecting-to-get-laughs'. It's a great season because everyone can pick up a bargain like the 'scary halloween mask' I picked up for 50 cents upon exiting my local supermarket. If anybody were to suggest that my low priced scary mask would not be of use, I would have to yell at them and throw a drink in their face. Not only would the mask be of use in bi-weekly situations, it's also guaranteed to scare people every time according to the descriptive packaging which states it is a 'scary mask'. Had I have had this mask when I was 12 years old, I could have been rolling in candy rather than a half eaten apple pie and an attempt to make me a sandwich.. or now having taken a second look at the mask, I could have been lured into a questionable sexual bondage scenario.